(in the astronomically unlikely event that anyone ever thinks they love me...)
you say you love me...
...but all that says to me is that
you must not truly know me.
for none could ever hope to know me
the way i know myself;
and if it were within my power,
i'd choose to get as far away from me
as ever i could go.
you ask me if i love you, but
that's quite beside the point.
why would i want the one i care for
to be with one i hate?
you think you love me now, and say,
that if it ends we'd still be friends.
but if we were together,
then soon enough you'd see,
that to know me is to hate me;
and so alone i'll stay.
i'm just protecting both of us,
i wish you'd understand.
and though i know
you hate to hear this,
it's all i can believe.
please see that this is who i am;
is it really who you love?
you say you know that, underneath,
it really isn't so.
you say that i have just been hurt;
you want to heal my wounded heart.
you say you want to help me be
the man you see inside me.
but this is who i always was,
and who i'll always be;
it was a strange, misguided hope,
that i could ever change.
i know it was a great mistake,
and one that i must never make
i always thought i knew myself,
and now my knowledge is confirmed.
and though i'm wrong 'bout many things,
in this insipid world,
one thing that i will always know
is who i truly am.
my pain came from the foolish act
of choosing to ignore the fact
that while there is some good in me,
i know that it could never be
enough to warrant more than friends.
for me, romance is not an option.
and though it hurts, i must use caution;
for anyone who truly knew me
would have no choice, but to agree:
i'm worthless, useless, good for nothing;
i'm cursed and i am doomed;
pathetic, boring, and annoying;
and frequently confused.
i'm awkward, stupid, introverted;
inept, and bad with words.
my head is more screwed up than
ever i could say; and
forgetful as you know i am,
it's plain that i could never claim
enough of all my many flaws
to make the list complete.
i know you'd like to be the one
who made me feel the pain i do
(or try to prove you wouldn't);
but if it helps, then please know this:
that knowing how you feel about me...
...hurts me greatly, too.