Let's begin...

All My Children, ABC, weekdays 1pm
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I guess I watched this in like the early 90s, along with One Life to Live. In fact I think there have been a number of crossovers between the two shows over the years, but I don't really remember any. Anyway, what to say? Um, the show is set in Pine Valley. The major character of the show seems to have always been Erica Kane (who we rather like), played of course by Susan Lucci. I dunno what to say about the character, but at the time I was watching, she was married to a guy named Dimitri Marick. And she had a daughter named Kendall Hart. I think actually I had stopped watching for a while, then started again when I heard that Sarah Michelle Gellar was going to join the show as Kendall. This was before she became famous as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I was already a fan for her role in a little show called Swan's Crossing (campy shows). Or, maybe I didn't return to the show then, maybe that's when I first started watching. I don't remember, but either way, I watched because of her, for awhile. Anyway, Erica also had a daughter named Bianca, though I'm afraid I never got to know her, really.

What else? Well, another major reason to watch the show was always Maria Santos (who we very much like), played by Eva LaRue. Let's see, she was married to a guy named Edmund Grey, and she had a sister named Julia (who we liked, played at the time by Sydney Penny). They had a brother named Mateo, who was married to Hayley Vaughan (played by Kelly Ripa). She was the daughter of Adam Chandler, who has a twin brother named Stuart (who I believe was somewhat mentally challenged). Let's see, there was also a woman named Brooke English (who we quite liked), who had been married to Adam, and Edmund, and a guy named Tad Martin (I think that's who she was with when I was watching). No, no, wait... I definitely remember him being married to a woman named Dixie (who we quite liked).

Well, doubtless I'm forgetting plenty of people, and I remember very little plotwise. But it seemed interesting enough for a while. And, hell, the main reason to watch any soap operas is that they always have lots and lots and lots of very attractive people. Of course, watching only remains tolerable if the plots aren't completely stupid and off-putting, so whatever. If I watched for awhile, that must say something. There are few soaps I've ever been able to stand to watch an entire episode of, let alone continue watching, off and on, for a couple years or so....

Dallas, CBS
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Well, of course this started when I was too young to watch it. (Come to think of it, pretty much all soaps did, in fact this is actually one of the newer ones.) But eventually I started watching it, if somewhat intermittently. Not a bad show, though. Um, what to say...? It was about this rich family in Dallax, Texas, the Ewings, who owned an oil company. But of course there were plenty of other families in the show, most of them rich, as well, and in oil. The main character was J.R. Ewing, who was married to Sue Ellen (who we liked), when I started watching. They had a son named Jon Ross III. Sometime before I started watching, J.R.'s father, Jock, had died, but J.R's mother, Miss Ellie, was still around. And um, J.R. had a brother named Bobby, who was married to Pamela Barnes (who we liked), whose brother Cliff was a rival of the Ewings. Well, there were tons of other characters, and being a soap, there were plenty of changes in marital status. At some point, Bobby married a woman named April Stevens (who we liked). Um... I'm forgetting so many characters and stuff, but there were also plenty I never saw.

I dunno what to say, plotwise. J.R. was an egotistical, manipulative, cheating, totally unethical son of a... *ahem* He was a very interesting character. I don't remember the show well, but of course, it had some of the most famous cliffhangers in history. The "Who Shot J.R.?" episode is legendary, though alas, it was before my time. I do remember another major one, however, in which Pam woke up at the end of the season finale and found her late husband Bobby in the shower. The explanation in the next season's premiere was rather controversial, I think it really annoyed alot of people. But I don't mind. It was just nice to have Bobby alive. I also remember a time J.R. checked himself into a mental hospital to get a patient's signature, but ended up being kept there against his will for awhile. That was fun. And the series finale, in which some like "guardian angel" or whatever was showing J.R. what people's lives would be like without him. And it ended with something that made it seem he'd shot himself.

Some time later, there was a TV movie, J.R. Returns (IMDb; Movie Tome; Wikipedia), but the only thing I remember about it is that it confirmed something I had predicted since I first saw the series finale.

Guiding Light, CBS, weekdays 3pm
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Um, I watched this for awhile... in like the early to mid 90s, I think. By this time of course the show had long since dropped the "The" from its title, though some people still include it when talking about the show. Which annoys me. Anyway, I don't watch it anymore, but for awhile I thought it was really quite good. There was a character named Roger Thorpe who I thought was pretty cool, if rather evil. Now a businessman, he was like a former CIA agent or whatever. However, well before I started watching the show, he had raped his wife, Holly (who we liked). I never liked thinking about that, when I found out about it. But eventually they got to a place where they could accept each other or whatever. But... when I started watching, he was married to Alexandra Spaulding. The Spauldings were probably the richest, most powerful family in the city of Springfield. Which Springfield, I don't know. Alex had a brother named Alan, but I think he was in jail when I started watching, so it would be quite awhile before I ever saw him. Alan had a couple of sons, Phillip and Alan-Michael. Phillip was married to a woman named Beth, Alan-Michael married a young woman named Lucy Cooper (who we quite liked). Alex had a long-lost son named Nick McHenry, who I think was like identical to a son of hers named Lujack, who I never saw. I think he was dead or something.

There were lots of great characters. Holly married a guy named Fletcher Reade. They worked at a newspaper, and there may have been some other characters involved in that, I forget. Maybe one of them was Tangie Hill (who we quite liked), I know she worked for some paper. Anyway, alot of those newspaper scenes reminded me of one of those old screwball comedy movies, it was great. Let's see, who else should I mention? Lucy was the daughter of Buzz Cooper, who was pretty cool. I also think it was cool that he became friends with Alexandra Spaulding (who was from a far higher social class than he), and I think they even dated a bit. For awhile he was married to a former jewel thief named Jenna Bradshaw (who we quite liked). He also had a couple of other, adult children, named Harley (who we kinda liked) and Frank. Their mom was Nadine (who we liked). Frank and Harley were both cops, as I recall, but they also had a family diner. And Frank married a woman named Eleni Andros (who we quite liked). They had a daughter named Marina. Oh, Roger and Holly had a daughter named Blake (who we liked, and I saw at least two different actresses play her). She married a lawyer named Ross Marler. Who had a daughter named Dinah (who we liked). Phillip had a best friend named Dr. Rick Bauer, who was the son of Dr. Ed Bauer and Maureen. They also had a younger daughter named Michelle. Also, the Bauers always have an annual Fourth of July barbecue, which is awesome.

I need to split up paragraphs here, damn, trying to list all the characters on a soap is like one of them "begat" chapters of the Bible. Anyway, when I first started watching, there was Reva Shayne Lewis (who we liked), who was going through post-partum depression (after giving birth to Shayne Lewis), and like running around town trying to get all kinds of people to sleep with her, as I recall. I don't think anyone did. She was married to Josh Lewis at the time (they also had a daughter named Marah). But she had also been married before to both Josh's brother Billy, and their father, H.B. Josh was married to a woman named Annie Dutton for awhile (who we liked), though after that I think he eventually got back together with Reva. And Billy had a daughter named Mindy Lewis (who we liked), I vaguely recall her being married to Nick McHenry for awhile. And... there was someone named Vanessa Chamberlain, whose father's name was Henry. And she'd been married to Billy at some point. Oh, and she was Dinah Marler's mother, and Billy Lewis III's mother. But she eventually married a younger man named Matt Reardon, who was I think the brother of Bridget Reardon (who I believe we liked), who was herself like the niece or something of Maureen Bauer. Um... there was a guy named A.C. Mallett, who I believe married Harley Cooper for awhile. He had a sister named Julie Camaletti (who we kinda liked). She pissed me off big time when she tried to break up Frank and Eleni. Oh, I also vaguely recall a DA named Lisa Dravecky (who we liked).

I am forgetting so damn many characters, and relationships changed so much I can't keep track, and I don't remember enough of what all went on plotwise. But for the few years or so that I watched off and on, I thought it was all pretty cool, and interesting, and I really liked alot of the characters. And characters would sometimes get new actors (especially kids, who the writers may want to age a few years all of a sudden to open up new story possibilities). Doubtless many of the actors I knew were different from the originals, but you know... you always tend to like the ones you got used to first, the best. Michael Zaslow was perfect as Roger Thorpe. Melina Kanakaredes was great as Eleni. I think Marj Dusay was the second Alexandra I saw, but I think that change happened not too long after I started watching, maybe, and so I knew her longer than the previous Alex, and I thought she was pretty good. Rachel Miner was incredible as Michelle, and I was never happy about her being replaced. Not that it was just the acting that was different, the writers changed the character too much. Anyway, I haven't watched the show in quite awhile now. Every once in a great while I might try to catch it, but everything's so different. New characters, old characters I no longer recognize, stories that aren't nearly as good as they used to be... It's sad, really. Still, it can be nice to see a few familiar faces from the past....

One Life to Live, ABC, weekdays 2pm
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I watched this for a little while in, I think, the early 90s, I think basically as part of a block with All My Children. Around that time, Reiko Aylesworth was playing Rebecca Lewis (who we quite liked). She was, as I recall, corresponding with a prisoner named Todd Manning, who was in jail for having been involved in like a frat party gang rape or something. That was a bit before I started watching. I think he and some friends had raped Marty Saybrooke (who we liked). Rebecca was just like this good girl who believed in the possibility of redemption or whatever. But Todd fell in love with her, and that... wasn't the best idea, I guess. Still, he eventually turned into an interesting character (very well played by Roger Howarth). He regretted what he'd done to Marty, and we learned about his troubled past. He never seemed very happy. But eventually he found out his father, who'd screwed his mind up pretty badly, wasn't his real father. His real father was Victor Lord, who had been rich, so Todd came into alot of money, not to mention ties to a powerful family in the town of Llanview, though I don't think either he or they were very happy about that. Anyway, eventually Todd married a woman named Blair Daimler (who we quite liked), and they had a daughter together, named Starr. Roger Howarth left the show for awhile when the writers wanted Todd to become romantically involved with Marty, which he thought was wrong (quite rightly, though the characters at least came to some kind of peace with each other, eventually).

Um, Blair was the cousin of a woman named Cassie (who we liked), who was married to a reverend named Andrew Carpenter. He was the son of Sloan Carpenter, who was married to Viki Lord (Todd's half-sister). She also had a former husband named Clint Buchanan, with whom she had a daughter named Jessica (who we liked, when played at the time by Erin Torpey). Oh, I should also mention that Viki had multiple personality disorder. Um, let's see, Clint had a brother named Bo, who was the police commissioner. He was married to a woman named Nora (who we kinda liked). Bo and Clint's father was this rich guy named Asa, who when I was watching was married to a younger woman named Alex Olanov (who we liked).

Let's see, who else was there? Nora was at some point married to the district attorney, Hank Gannon, and they had a daughter named Rachel (who we liked). Oh yeah, Hank also had a brother named R.J., who if I recall was sometimes in trouble with the law, or something. There was also a guy named Max Holden, who was married to a woman named Luna when I was watching. I remember him having a gambling problem at some point, and I remember Ron Palillo (Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter - see comedy 3) guest starring as like a blackjack dealer or something. Oh, and there was Dorian Lord (who we kinda liked), who was like an enemy of Viki's. She had at some point been married to Viki's father, Victor. And Cassie was her daughter. Oh, and at one point she had a fling with Viki's son, Joey (played at the time by Nathan Fillion, who would later play Mal Reynolds in Firefly). Well, I'm sure I'm forgetting a great many characters.

Anyway, I don't remember a great deal of what happened on the show. I don't think I watched it for too long, really, and never thought it was that great. But it was alright. Could be kind of interesting. Really haven't watched it in a hell of a long time, and I very much doubt I'd care about it at all, now. I'm sure things have changed far too much since I stopped watching, probably no one left I'd find that interesting. Ah well.