tek's rating:

Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever, on Lifetime
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This aired in 2014, but I didn't see it until 2022, on DVD. The title character, internet star Grumpy Cat (here voiced by Aubrey Plaza) narrates the movie very sarcastically and fourth wall-breakingly. She also takes every opportunity to malign her own film and anyone who watches it. And it's hard to say how much that's just funny and how much it's actually warranted. Because this is not really a good movie. But I still enjoyed it well enough that at least I managed to get all the way through it.

In the movie, Grumpy lives in a pet shop owned by a guy named Mr. Crabtree, who is behind on his rent to the mall where the shop is located. Somehow this guy who is on the brink of eviction has acquired a dog named JoJo, who is worth a million dollars, and is going to save the pet store by selling him. However, two dimwitted musicians named Donny and Zack show up after the mall is closed to steal the dog. Meanwhile, there's this 12-year-old girl named Chrystal whose mom works at the mall, and Chrystal herself has an unpaid job at the pet store. Um, I think the movie takes place on Christmas Eve, and Chrystal meets a substitute mall Santa (or possibly the real Santa pretending to be a substitute mall Santa) who gives her a lucky coin to throw into a wishing well and make a wish. That wish leads to her being able to hear Grumpy's thoughts, though really she just wanted to make a friend (preferably human). (Incidentally, we the viewers can hear the thoughts of all the animals in the movie, but Chrystal can only hear Grumpy's thoughts. And I don't think she can hear the fourth wall-breaking thoughts.) When her mom gets invited to a Christmas party by a guy who also works at the mall, she only agrees to go to the party if Chrystal goes with her. But Chrystal sneaks out of the party early to go back to the mall and talk to Grumpy, and witnesses Donny and Zack stealing JoJo. So... the rest of the movie is Chrystal trying to stop the bad guys, while taking Grumpy with her wherever she goes, even though Grumpy would just as soon let the bad guys have the dog.

That's all I want to reveal of the plot, and I'm actually leaving out a major plot twist (which Grumpy says she saw coming, but she's right in believing that I didn't). So, I don't know what else to say. On many levels, this is a bad movie, and only occasionally amusing. I liked Grumpy less in this than I ever did in internet memes (and a desk calendar I got one year), but at least I liked her some of the time. I just feel like it was asking too much of her to carry a whole movie. But I did also like Chrystal, who I think was much more important to the actual plot than Grumpy was. Grumpy was just sort of there, as more of a commentator than a character.


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