Let's begin...

Bangkok Hilton, Australian (Not for kids)
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Don't remember it well. Nicole Kidman was in it, and we've always quite liked her. Anyway, it's one of those things where some guy uses some woman he just met to smuggle drugs, and she ends up getting caught and getting in big trouble despite knowing nothing about it. Actually I believe she was looking for her father, who she never knew. Or whatever. I think he used to be a lawyer or something. Dunno what else to say.

Benedict Arnold: A Question of Honor, A&E (tier 5ish)
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All I can really say about this is that it has made me not so quick to judge the man. I like to say that sometimes a corner can paint itself around you, and this movie makes that concept seem to apply somewhat in the case of Arnold's treason. It also makes it seem that America would have lost the Revolution if not for him, which is probably true.... In any event, it seemed a reasonably worthwhile use of a couple hours.

Brave New Girl, ABC Family (tier 6ish)
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Okay, I watched this because Lindsey Haun, from The Color of Friendship (see Disney Channel movies) is in it, and we always kinda liked her. But I wasn't expecting too much from the movie. And for the most part I just found it tolerable. Hardly surprising, considering Britney Spears' involvement with it. I don't care for her at all. But at least she wasn't actually in it.

Anyway, Haun plays this girl named Holly who is a decent small town country singer but has no training in music. She gets a scholarship to a classical conservatory but of course she's supposed to already know a ton of junk by the time she gets there, which she doesn't. Including how to speak Italian, French, and German. Because all the voice majors have to sing opera. And of course there's a student, named Angela, who makes trouble for her. But Holly becomes friends with her roommate Ditz (who we also kinda like), who's a dancer. Oh, and Holly's mom, Wanda (a single parent since her husband left her before Holly was born), loses her home when the bank forecloses, and her car breaks down after dropping Holly off, so she stays in town and gets a job and stays on campus with Holly and Ditz. And there's this guy named Grant who wants to go out with Holly. And there's a teacher's aide named Zoe who helps Holly practice. I need to mention all those people because I don't care.

Anyway, the story's not particularly original or anything. Like I said, it was just tolerable. But what I did like about the movie was the little bits of opera we get to hear the students sing. Even if Angela's a stereotypical conniving whatever, she's still a damn good singer. And so's Holly. She learns, y'know? Still, the movie's basically forgettable and probably the only reason I'm bothering to mention it here at all is because I like the end. Holly sings Habaņera, from "Carmen." She does it well. Then it turns into a pop number based on the same song. Okay, I thought it was kinda like "Diva Dance" from The Fifth Element. I like that kinda thing. I can't help it. I think lots of kinds of music can be good and putting different kinds of things together like that can be even better. Sometimes. Or it can suck. But I liked it here. Okay?

Bring Me the Head of Dobie Gillis (tier 3, I guess)
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This TV movie is a follow-up to the old series The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (IMDb; TV.com; Wikipedia), of which I have seen very little. I can't tell you much about the series except that Bob Denver played Dobie's best friend Maynard, prior to starring in Gilligan's Island (see classic shows). The movie, though, was kind of funny, in a cheesy way, and better than what little I've seen of the series, IMHO. Dobie's all grown up and running his father's little store, and married, with a son, who apparently is meant to be alot like Dobie was at his age. Looking back at a few eps of the show after first having seen this movie, though, I didn't see much in the show that was suggested about Dobie's past in the movie.

But in any event, the basic idea is that there was one girl, Thalia, who he was gaga over as a teenager, and some other girl who was interested in him, but he wasn't interested in her... and he ended up marrying the girl who liked him. And now his son is in a similar situation, being interested in one girl while this other girl likes him. Personally, I liked the girl who liked him better than the girl he liked.

But anyway, Thalia shows up and wants to marry Dobie, though he's already married. And Maynard is working for her now, apparently because she rescued him and his friends from some island (an obvious reference to his other character, Gilligan). But Dobie rejects her, and now she wants him dead, so she offers a bunch of money to whoever kills him. Then there's some whole Romeo & Juliet-inspired fake death thing, while the local high school is doing a "new, improved musical version of Romeo & Juliet with a happy ending." It was weird. Seriously. But funny. And stuff.

The Camomile Lawn, British (Not for kids)
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Don't remember it well, but it was a fairly decent story I guess. I dunno what to say. Some beautiful girls. I should see it again someday. (Maybe tier 5.)

The Day After, ABC (tier 7ish, I guess)
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Well, at some point I had read some article about this, or something, which said it was pretty good. It first aired in 1983, and I was too young at the time to have watched it then. But, finally I happened to catch it (in 2006) on the Sci-Fi Channel. Not sure I'd call this science fiction, considering the events were entirely possible, and not even particularly improbable at the time. (Not that SFC cares much about their programming being sci-fi, these days.) Although at the end of the movie there's a little disclaimer saying in the event of an actual nuclear war, things would probably be much worse than the movie depicted. Which I don't doubt. Anyway, the movie is about what happens in a rural area in Kansas when nuclear missiles strike. I don't really know what else to say. I'm sure it was a very important movie at the time, but I found it rather boring, didn't really care much for the writing or acting. And I tend to be struck by how primitive things seem to me now, when I watch stuff set in the early 80s. But whatever, I guess I'm glad to have seen it. Even if I haven't been seriously worried about nuclear war for a couple decades now...

Escape From Sobibor, CBS (tier 2 or 3)
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Sobibor was a Nazi death camp during World War II. A number of prisoners, the main one being Leon Feldhendler, were planning an escape for ten to twenty people. However, one day two prisoners escaped, and 13 more followed their example, but were recaptured and killed. Those 13 were forced to each select one other prisoner to be killed with them, or else a Nazi officer would have chosen 50. So Leon and the others realized they'd have to rethink their own plans: all 600 prisoners must escape, or none at all.

The development of their new plan was aided by a Russian soldier named Sasha, who, along with a group of his men, were brought to Sobibor as prisoners some time after this incident. A few of the other prisoners involved in the plan included a teenaged boy named Shlomo, a woman named Luka, and a man named Itzhak. There were others, though I'm afraid I never really got to know or remember them... I don't really want to give away anything about the plan, so I'm not sure what else to say. But it's really an incredible movie with a great cast, and it tells a very moving and important story. I highly recommend you check it out if you get a chance.

Everything You Want, ABC Family (tier 4 or 5)
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Okay, so there's this woman named Abby (played by Shiri Appleby, who we always liked). As a little girl, her parents used to travel all over the place and leave her with her aunt or whatever. She got lonely, and two things came of this: she started drawing, which would eventually lead to her becoming an artist; and she created an imaginary friend named Sy (short for Simon), who would eventually become an imaginary boyfriend. Seriously, she sees and hears him, it's not like she's just pretending she has a boyfriend. I dunno 'bout most folks, but I never actually saw or heard any imaginary friends. Still, aside from this one quirk, she seems a pretty well-adjusted person.

Then she meets a guy in an art class, named Quinn. She doesn't like him. But he turns out to be the cousin of her roommate, friend, and coworker Jessica (who we like). They both work at a book store, but Jess has some bad work habits, and gets fired. The manager, Ryan, used to date her, and this figures into a trick Quinn and his crazy friend and roommate Calvin perpetrate to get Jessica rehired. This as part of a deal to get Abby to tutor Quinn in art. As they get to know each other better, they start liking each other... but she doesn't want to leave Sy, who Quinn doesn't know is imaginary. He eventually finds out the truth from Abby's parents (who btw seem fairly crazy, themselves). The news about Sy upsets Quinn, naturally... so will he and Abby finally get together, or what? I won't say. I'll just say this movie was actually pretty fun, and funny, and quirky, and weird, and romantic, and stuff.

Hello Sister, Goodbye Life!, ABC Family (tier 5 or 6)
ABC Family; IMDb

21-year-old college student Olivia (who we quite like) becomes the guardian of her 7-year-old half sister Celia, when Celia's parents (Olivia's dad and his second wife) die in an accident. At first she doesn't want this responsibility, and it's clear Celia isn't happy about it either. Besides, Olivia's boyfriend Joe (a teaching assistant at her college) is planning to go to Italy to study. And he wants her to go with him. The only other people who could look after Celia are her grandparents, who live in Argentina. Olivia gets some help from her mom, and also from her dad's lawyer, who's like an uncle to Celia. Of course, Olivia barely knows Celia, and didn't have a great relationship with her father. But of course eventually Olivia and Celia get to like each other more. Not much else to say. It's all fairly predictable, but reasonably entertaining, I guess. Celia's a cute and clever kid. Olivia's hot, and appealingly sarcastic, I guess. The writing and acting are decent. Not a bad way to spend a couple hours.

Invasion Iowa, Spike TV (tier 6ish)
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Okay, so... major Star Trek fans such as myself will know that the town of Riverside, Iowa, has long claimed to be the future birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk (see Star Trek shows). Apparently because of this, William Shatner and others from Hollywood have played a friendly little prank on the town: They pretended to make a sci-fi movie there, while actually making a reality TV miniseries about... tricking the town into believing they were making a sci-fi movie. (Before the miniseries aired, it seems to me I'd read or heard somewhere that it was supposed to be like a Star Trek prequel or something, but in fact the fake movie was entirely unrelated to Star Trek.)

The fake movie is about this guy from the future, Col. Shane Yeager (played by Shatner), who travels to the past to prevent this girl named Linda (played by Riverside local Brooke Lemke, a lovely girl) from being kidnapped by the evil Gerclons to be impregnated by their emperor, and become mother to the Gerclon race, or something. First, an assassin android called the Disintegratrix 3000 (played by Gryffyn Green, one of the pretend Hollywood people who were played by... Hollywood actors. Gryffyn, who we like, is played by Desi Lydic). At the end of the movie, the Gerclon emperor himself shows up to fight Shane, interrupting Shane's wedding to Linda. Oh yeah, the movie had these laser whips that looked like lightsaber handles, but even in the finished movie there were no special effects added, so all we could see was the actors waving these handles around. I thought that was a bit of a gyp.

Anyway, throughout the miniseries, we see the making of the movie, as well as occasional finished clips. And at the end of the series, we see the entire finished movie, which is obviously lacking a great many scenes which were never made, as it only lasts say 20 minutes or so. Some of the most painful few minutes I've ever experienced; damn that movie was bad! OMG, was it bad! Ye gods, did it ever suck! Sh-- *ahem* But anyway, moving on. It was funny, though. Especially the obligatory Star Wars rip-off opening exposition.

Meanwhile, in the course of the series, we saw other stuff, the Hollywood people interacting with the townsfolk, some of whom were cast in the fake movie, and some who were given fake crew jobs, and some who were just... you know, there. Aside from Brooke, I thought the most interesting townie was Jim Pickering, who was given a product placement job for the movie. Anyway, the Hollywood folks were always doing outlandish things, a few of which included Shatner selling these sort of berets he called "Shats," and also the time he did a stand-up comedy routine which was rather insulting, without being particularly funny. And when he wanted to rename the town "Billville." And wanting to break an expensive, 100-year-old church stained glass window for the movie. And Gryffyn was writing this children's book, which she read to some locals. It was about a penguin girl named Popo, who had plastic surgery to get bigger wings (an obvious metaphor for breast enhancement). When the townies tried to politely raise objections to the book's message, she rewrote it, but she didn't get the point. In the new version... well, I'm already saying too much. Other fake characters included Tiny (played by Kirk Ward), Bill's "nephew" and body double, who was always acting like an idiotic, obnoxious clown. Also there was a studio executive named Max (who we like; played by Garz Chan), who was very demanding and hard to deal with. And another guy (Tom Kane) made phone calls doing impressions of Hollywood actors, mostly Sean Connery, who was supposedly negotiating to appear in the movie, but his demands couldn't be met. Also, Bill had a spiritual advisor named Steve (played by Ernie Grunwald), very sort of new age-y. Also Bill had an assistant named Herb (played by Michael J. O'Hara), who didn't really make an impression on me. Other townies included Scotty Riggan, who became another assistant to Bill. He did his best to be helpful in all the impossible situations that arose. And... Leann Sexton and Wayne Simon, who were cast as Linda's parents in the movie. And Diana Schultz, who handled cue cards. And Don Rath, who was... just sort of the local lovable old coot. There were a few other folks, too, I guess. Anyway, there was a lot of funny, outrageous stuff going on, and the townies constantly did their best to take it all in stride. (Some of the townies could be a bit eccentric, as well. Two words: raccoon penis. 'Nuff said.)

...When the truth was finally revealed to them about everything, they took it pretty well. Which isn't too surprising, considering all the kind words from Bill about how much the actors all came to love and respect them. Plus the money (along with personal suggestions of how to use it) didn't hurt. And anyway, they all seem to have had fun. Can't think what else to say, except that I usually loathe any sort of reality shows and don't care for practical jokes, so reality practical joke shows... no. Not interested. Which in itself is, I think, quite a commendation of this miniseries, that I actually managed to enjoy it. (Tier 3 or 4.)

tek's rating: ½
Knight Rider, NBC
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Caution: spoilers.

This movie could serve as a pilot for a potential new series, based on the 1980s series Knight Rider. I used to watch the old show when I was a kid; I don't remember it well, but I'm sure I liked it well enough. Anyway, the movie starts with some guys who apparently kill an old man named Charles Graiman, who had created a computer system called Prometheus, which could remotely control military drones and stuff. They steal his hard drives with the information on the system, which they have been hired to obtain for someone (who we never actually see in the movie). But the files are of course encrypted, so these guys, who didn't actually intend to kill Graiman, now need to get ahold of his daughter, Sarah (who we like), who had helped her father with the encryptions in the first place. She's a teacher at Stanford now, I guess.

But before they can get ahold of her, she is rescued by a a Ford Mustang called KITT (Knight Industries Three Thousand). Sarah's father had invented another KITT 25 years ago (see original series), and now he'd made a new one. It had been programmed to ensure her safety, and enlist the help of Mike Tracer, an ex-Army Ranger with whom Sarah had grown up. Now he um... is in debt to "investors" (loan sharks), who give him 24 hours to come up with the money he owes, or they'll kill his friend Dylan, and if he still doesn't get the money, they'll kill him.

Anyway, there's this whole thing about how Mike and Sarah used to be involved, and then drifted apart when they each went away to school, or whatever, so there's some tension there. They're not exactly comfortable being together again, but they don't have much choice; anyway, I guess Sarah provides money to pay off the loan sharks. Meanwhile, the guys who killed her father are still trying to get to Sarah, but it's not easy. The new KITT is faster than the old car, can change its appearance, has a more advanced A.I. and can hack pretty much any system to get information, monitor situations via surveillance systems, control electronically locked doors, whatever. It even has nanotech that instantly repairs damage to itself. Of course, like the original, it talks, and can drive itself.

There's also an FBI agent named Carrie Rivai (who we like), who knew Graiman. A sheriff investigating the scene of his murder wants her to confirm the body's identity, and it turns out to be a body double, so the real Graiman is still alive. He ran through a secret escape in his mansion, and found his old friend Jennifer (who we like), who is Mike's estranged mother. Yes, gosh, there's lots of subplot about strained family relations in this movie. I should mention that Graiman and his wife were divorced, and she died a year ago, and Sarah regrets some things she said or never got to say. And Mike hasn't talked to his mom for a long time, and also his father had left them when he was very young. Anyway, eventually Mike and Sarah meet up with Graiman and Jennifer, but the bad guys catch up to them, and....

Well, you know, lots of stuff happens, like one of the bad guys is a computer expert who tries to hack KITT's AI (so the computer has to go offline and the car be driven manually). And um, the good guys eventually meet up with Rivai, but.... Meh, I just watched it, and already I'm forgetting details, the exact sequence of events. Suffice to say, the bad guys seem to be on top for awhile, but eventually the good guys win (though not without loss). There will be a funeral, at which Mike meets his father, who turns out to be Michael Knight, who of course drove the original KITT. And now the Foundation is going to be started up again, and work with the FBI on certain missions. And they want Mike to drive KITT.

And that's all I can say, but it really wasn't bad, and I might not mind checking out a new series, if it happens....

Lipstick on Your Collar, British (Not for kids)
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Don't remember it well. But there were a couple familiar guys in the cast, Clive Francis and Ewan McGregor, maybe a few others. And there were some beautiful girls. And it was some kind of weird musical, I think. Or rather one of those things that sort of makes fun of the bizarreness of musicals. Or something. Anyway, it was weird.

Love Comes Softly, Hallmark Channel (tier 6ish)
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Katherine Heigl (who we like) plays a young pioneer woman named Marty Claridge, who's just heading out West with her husband Aaron. And shortly after they find the spot they plan to settle, he dies. Which is real sad and all, and leaves her without any real options. Winter's coming on before long, and she has no money, and there's no wagon trains heading back East till Spring anyway. Meanwhile, this widower named Clark Davis wants a woman to act as a mother to his young daughter, Missie. (She kinda reminded me a little bit of Dakota Fanning, but of course it wasn't. However, this Skye McCole Bartusiak may be another young actress to watch in the future.) Anyway, Missie doesn't want a new mother. But Clark makes Marty a proposition: if she marries him and tries to be a mother to Missie, she'll have a place to live for the Winter, and in the Spring he'll pay her fare on the wagon train so she can go home.

Marty wasn't really into this idea, but like I said, she didn't have any options, so she agreed. It really was a marriage of convenience, it's not like anything went on between her and Clark. Personally I don't see why they couldn't just be roommates, but that's my modern perspective. I expect people back in them days would have a problem with it. Probably couldn't really wrap their heads around the idea of a man and woman living together platonically, would've thought they were living in sin even if there wasn't any sinning goin' on. Whatever, that's all just my mind roaming on its own, not anything from the movie. Um... anyway, Marty doesn't know anything about living and working on the frontier, she's more of a city girl. She had a bunch of nice dresses with her, which Missie found kind of ridiculous. But her most prized possessions were books she brought with her. At one point Clark said he knew they were hers and not Aaron's because a man would've left them behind. Y'know, cuz they took up space in the wagon, and they didn't have as many provisions or whatever as they should've had. I guess. I thought his attitude was sexist, I'm a man, and I'd want books with me. And I don't even know that this has anything to do with difference in eras, there's probably plenty of sexist guys back then who'd say a woman would rather leave books behind, so they must be the man's. I think it's more to do with him being from the frontier rather than the city. Course one book he'd definitely not leave behind is the Bible, he's very devout... and at another point teaches Marty to have faith in God even when bad things happen.

Anyway. After awhile it turns out Marty is pregnant with Aaron's child. And um... I dunno, other stuff happens. Everyone learns things, and of course by Spring if not earlier, Clark, Marty, and Missie have all started to feel a bit more like a family. Will Clark and Marty realize they're in love? Will there be some kind of obstacle? Will they somehow manage to overcome it and live happily ever after? Look, don't ask me, for two reasons: I don't want to spoil it for you, and also, if you even have to ask... I hope you enjoy watching your very first movie ever, okay? Seriously, though, it was decent. A slow, quiet, soft movie. Except for that early death, and toward the end a snowstorm that comes out of nowhere. Like, seriously, I think it was the first snow of the Winter, and suddenly it's a major blizzard. I don't think that happens very often, but I've never lived out thataway, so I dunno. Whatever. Um, anyway, I enjoyed the movie well enough, though I don't feel a pressing need to ever see it again, nor to ever see the sequels....

Molly: An American Girl on the Home Front, Disney Channel
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Well, for a few years now there has been a series of TV movies based on a series of dolls, and books that go along with them. I haven't read the books, I'm not a collector of dolls, and... I'm not a little girl, but rather an adult male. I guess. So, not exactly the target audience. Still, I wanted to see the movies. I taped the first one, but somehow the tape got lost before I got to see it. I'm not sure if I simply didn't have a chance to catch the second one, or chose not to watch it because I hadn't seen the first. But in any event, the first one I got to watch was the third. It doesn't really matter what order you watch them, it's not like it's a continuing storyline or anything. Each movie is self-contained, each about a different girl in a different period in American history. Anyway, this movie wasn't bad... actually I'd say it was rather good... and I'd like to someday see the first two movies, and probably any subsequent ones. The first two aired originally on the WB, and the third on Disney Channel.

The central character of this movie is Molly McIntire, who grew up in Jefferson, Illinois, in 1943, with her older brother and sister, Ricky and Jill, and their parents, Helen and James. Molly and her friends go to the movies alot, and there's always newsreels on before the feature. So we get to see a bit of what's going on in the world that way, mostly about World War II, of course. The girls are interested in movie stars and the British princesses, Elizabeth and Margaret Rose, as well as in things closer to home, like their teacher Miss Campbell, who has recently gotten engaged to an officer, who soon heads off to war. And after awhile, Molly's father, a doctor, goes off to England to treat soldiers, so Molly will miss him alot and worry about him. And she becomes very interested in things that can be done at home to help the war effort, most notably practicing her tap dancing for an upcoming school Christmas pageant, in which she hopes to be the lead dancer, Miss Victory. Which takes alot of practice, since she doesn't exactly start out as one of the better dancers in her class. Meanwhile, her mother takes a job assembling planes or whatever, and actually starts looking to me alot like Rosie the Riveter. Also, a girl named Emily Bennett comes from London to stay with the McIntires. She and Molly are rather distant at first, but they grow closer, of course.

That's about all I can say, but I think the film seems to do a fair job of showing how things were different in 1943 than they are now. And, you know, you can't help but sympathize with Molly and some of the other characters, though some characters you never really get to know much at all. And um... yep, that's all I can think to say. But it was a decent enough story, I guess.

Not Like Everyone Else, Lifetime (tier 6ish)
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It begins with Brandi Blackbear (played by Alia Shawkat, who we like) and her family and lawyers heading into a trial with lots of protestors outside. Which of course immediately put me on edge, and made it clear that the story is about a modern day witch-hunt. I've always hated witch-hunts, whether literal or metaphorical. It was bad enough in the 1600s, but for it to be happening today seriously pisses me off, and scares me... because it shows that human beings continue to be unspeakably stupid and intolerant and perhaps always will be. I don't like being reminded of the nature of the species to which I belong.

But then the story flashes back almost a year. Brandi was in fact not a Wiccan at all, though she dressed in a somewhat Gothlike way, and wrote horror stories. She wasn't really popular, but didn't care. She did however care when popular kids bullied her or her friends. Not that she seemed to have alot of friends, but there were a couple of them, at least. Anyway, some of the kids who didn't like Brandi made false accusations that she had threatened to shoot people, and because of heightened paranoia following the recent Columbine shootings (this was in 1999), as well as the kinds of things Brandi wrote, she was suspended for a little while. The next school year, her friend Casey (who we kinda like) started hanging out with the popular kids who had spread lies about Brandi, so now her only friend seemed to be Kyle, who never seemed to take anything very seriously, but he was, it seemed to me, in a rather abstract, sarcastic way, anti-establishment. But not seriously. Anyway, he was, like Brandi, an independent thinker. There was also a new student at school named Noah, who wanted to become friends with Brandi (and seemed to perhaps have a bit of a crush on her).

One day, Kyle discovered a book in the school library, on world religions, including Wicca. He showed it to Brandi, suggested it might be good research for her stories. Some elements of Wicca also remind her of Native American traditions (she's half Native American, herself). Some of the other kids heard them talking about the book, and soon accused Brandi of witchcraft. There was also an art teacher named Mr. Gray, who was actually pretty cool, and understanding. But when he got sick, the kids thought Brandi had put a spell on him. Everyone started getting scared of her. Naturally enough, she was upset by all the false rumors and stuff, and she didn't react well to it. Some of her sarcastic comments were taken seriously by her moronic fellow students, of course. And Kyle tended to say lots of sarcastic things to people, himself, and got in a bit of trouble, though not nearly as much as Brandi. She was suspended again, and as things got worse for her, she got upset that he seemed to think everything was a big joke. But he really just never expected everyone to be so unbelievably stupid as to take all this seriously. Meanwhile, things were getting worse for other students besides Brandi. The school confiscated Casey's laptop because of "subversive materials" on it... song lyrics she'd written. Her so-called friends had turned her in, so she was alone, but soon made up with Brandi. And Brandi also made up with Kyle, and Noah, who'd been ignoring her lately, also got back on her side.

But another important thing that happened was that Brandi's relationship with her father began to improve. The family never had much money, so both parents worked as much as they could. While her mother was constantly on her side, her father tended to ignore her, and when not working spent more time with Brandi's brother. He often took his son to see like a shaman or something, getting in touch with their Native American heritage, but he never took Brandi. He really didn't want to deal with her, because she was different. Eventually we learn the reason for his feelings. But even before that... he begins to realize that his daughter has been mistreated by the school, and he and Brandi's mother eventually go to the ACLU, who think they have a good case against the school, and decide to sue for $10 million. The Blackbears don't believe they deserve that kind of money (even though they definitely need money). But the ACLU guy says the school wouldn't take them seriously with a lesser claim.

The school offers a settlement of like $300,000, but the Blackbears refuse. As much as they need the money, it's more important to them to have their story heard. They want people to know Brandi did nothing wrong, but the school did. Well, the judge rules to dismiss the charges rather than let the case go to trial. The Blackbears are also ordered to pay court fees, which they can't afford, but that's later dropped when they agree to drop their appeal. Brandi feels she's gotten what she wanted. I think perhaps on a personal level, the most important thing to her is that she's become closer to her father. But also, the media is now aware of her story, and things are getting better for her at school, and other kids like Casey are benefitting from Brandi's fight, not just at their school but at others. So, the movie ends on a pretty positive note, all around.

Odd Girl Out, Lifetime (tier 7ish)
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Well, this is similar in theme to Mean Girls (teen movies 5), and I guess they're both based on similar nonfiction books. Of course, this isn't as good, nor as entertaining, as "Mean Girls," but I think it's still worth watching. Though I certainly feel no need to see it again. Anyway, the plot is sorta different, but it's still about girls being mean to each other. There's this little clique of cute and popular girls, and the protagonist is Vanessa Snyder (who we like). Her best friend is Stacey, and a couple other girls in the group are Nikki and Tiffany. There may be various reasons the girls eventually turn against Nessa, but the main one seems to be about this boy named Tony, who Stacey liked. Tony, however, seemed to like Nessa, so basically, Tracey asked her to put in a good word for her with Tony. Which she did. And he said he wasn't interested in Tracey, and asked Nessa out, instead. And she declined.

Well, I don't think any of Nessa's friends believed her. They started spreading all kinds of lies about her, even got Tony mad at her I guess, and she was pretty much out of the group. Though Stacey still acted like she was Nessa's friend, but that mainly was to keep setting her up for more humiliations. And they started a "hating Vanessa" website, and sent nasty IMs to her, and stuff. They all pretty well shattered her self-image and made her completely misrable. There was, however, one girl, Emily, who became Nessa's friend. And Nessa's mom kept trying to help, when she learned what was going on, but Nessa didn't want her help. And Stacey... I dunno, throughout the film I felt like Nikki was the really evil girl, whereas I thought it seemed that Stacey actually did want to be Nessa's friend, and hated being a part of all this... but, she never really quit joining in on all the mean things the girls were doing.

Well, things got really bad at one point, and I don't want to say what happened, but I pretty well predicted it. And then, after that... things started getting better. I dunno about the end, I felt like there was more that could have happened with the story, but, whatever. I guess it was okay. I feel as if I didn't feel particularly moved by or interested in the movie, but at least I cared enough to be pissed at how atrociously the girls were behaving. I would've liked to comfort or encourage Nessa, and I seriously would've liked to kill Nikki and Tiff, and try to convince Stacey she should stop hanging out with those two bitches. Of course, I had some trouble telling Nikki and Stacey apart, and may have confused them at times. But Stacey could definitely be a bitch in her own right, at times.

Pizza My Heart, ABC Family (tier 6 or 7, I guess)
ABC Family; IMDb; Movie Tome; Wikipedia

A modern-day remake of Romeo & Juliet, set in Verona, New Jersey. Gina Prestolani (played by Shiri Appleby, who we always liked) is our new Juliet. She's just returned from college, and she wants to be a photographer. Her father, Lou, however, wants her to become a teacher. The Prestolanis, by the way, own a pizzeria, and their pizzas have the best cheese in town. They have a rivalry, going back to the old country, with the Montebellos, who also have a pizzeria. The Montebellos' pizzas have the best sauce in town. (Tell me if this gives you any ideas, hmmm?) Anyway, at the start of the movie, it looks like Gina meets Joe Montebello (our new Romeo) for the first time at the train station, which is confusing, since they grew up right next to each other. But don't worry, it soon enough becomes evident that they have, in fact, known each other their whole lives. Well, Joe is a great chef, and wants to open his own restaurant, but instead he has had to work at the family pizzeria, since his father Vinnie had a heart attack several years ago (I think), and now can't work so much.

I tried to like, correlate characters in this movie to those in actual play, but I didn't try too hard. Carlo is obviously the County Paris, though he's a nice guy; he manages the Prestolani pizzeria, he dated Gina in high school, and now he wants to marry her. There's also a priest who tries to get both families to stop fighting each other. Other than that, I couldn't see any other characters reminiscent of the play. Gina has a sister named Annette, who is in love with Carlo. Joe has a friend who runs a restaurant. And there were various other characters in each clan. And some restauranteur businessman named Jean Paul, who wanted to franchise the Montebello pizza into 100 pizzerias. I have no skill at finding a Benvolio, Mercutio, or Tybalt, etc., among any of these people, I'm afraid.

In any event, Gina and Joe fell in love, and their families forbade them to see each other, and Jean Paul had to try to choose between the two families' pizzas (which is important, because both businesses need the money). There were a few decent jokes in the movie. I would say one of the better examples of a certain variety of CIA joke I've ever heard, though I wouldn't want to spoil it for you. And while there might be no apothecary, there is some balsamic vinegar which has rather a, um, less tragic effect than the drug it sort of symbolizes. I guess. Not really sure what else to say about the plot or whatever. I will say that at first, I wasn't too into it, but after awhile I got hooked. You know, enough to finish watching it just this once, anyway.

Re-animated, Cartoon Network (tier 8 or so)
Cartoon Network; IMDb; TV.com; Wikipedia

Well, I was expecting this to be pretty dumb, and I guess it was. But it was still entertaining, because it was just so weird and ridiculous and whatnot. Just totally over-the-top. Anyway, it's about this 7th grader named Jimmy Roberts, whose mom is an astronaut, and his dad is like principal of his middle school, despite being pretty dumb and childish or whatever. And also he has a green older sister named Yancy, who's actually an adopted alien that his mom found on one of her space missions. Jimmy's best friend is Craig Yoshida, who only really seems interested in himself, and doesn't have any friends other than Jimmy. Of course, Jimmy gets taken advantage of by pretty much everybody, because he never says no to anyone. Also, he has a crush on Craig's sister Robin, who's in 8th grade.

One day the 7th grade class goes on a field trip to Golly World, a theme park dedicated to the characters of Milt Appleday, a Walt Disney-like cartoonist who died 30 years ago. And ever since then, his son, Sonny, has been searching for Milt's brain, which was frozen. Supposedly that brain-freezing thing was just an urban legend, but it's actually true. And when Jimmy get injured at the park, he needs a brain transplant, and they give him Milt's brain. So Sonny rents a room with Jimmy's family to keep tabs on the kid while he works on his diabolical schemes to steal his brain. Oh, Sonny is the most over-the-top character in this whole over-the-top movie. He's like this totally old-school cartoonish villain, the kind of guy who would literally tie a damsel to the train tracks. He's also totally nuts and constantly talking to himself, or at least to his pet... bag of money, Mittens. And laughing in a campy-diabolical way. Though Yancy always tells him to shut up.

Meanwhile, since he got Milt's brain, Jimmy can see the cartoon characters created by the late cartoonist, and also the board of Appleday Pictures makes him president of the studio, which had been Sonny's job. Jimmy gets popular with the kids at school, especially Robin, who's a major Appleday fan. But the cartoon characters want him to make new cartoons starring them, especially Golly Gopher (voiced by Paul Reubens), who wants to become a star again, since he hasn't been in any cartoons in such a long time. Other characters include Golly's girlfriend, Dolly, and an alligator named Crocco (no, he's not a crocodile, okay?), a penguin named Tux who's always telling lame jokes (voiced by Tom Kenny), and a porcupine and pickle named Prickles and Pickles.

Anyway, as Jimmy gets caught up in the demands of his new job and trying to do what Golly wants him to do, he starts neglecting his true friends, Craig and Robin. And of course Sonny is constantly trying to kill him, though Jimmy seems completely unaware of that. Despite his painfully obvious attempts and constantly talking about his plans out loud, the only one who's aware of it is Yancy. And she doesn't seem to care much, except to find Sonny annoying. But eventually both Jimmy and Golly will learn a valuable lesson about... you know, stuff. Whatever. It's all very trite and silly and dumb, but like I said, it was still kinda fun. I guess. There was later a spin-off series called "Out of Jimmy's Head," but I didn't even watch the entire first episode before I decided I wasn't interested.

Roxy Hunter and the Mystery of the Moody Ghost, Nickelodeon
IMDb; TV.com; Wikipedia

Well, this seemed like the kind of thing that would be based on some series of kids' books. Probably was, I dunno. It also doesn't seem like it would be the first in the series. But... I dunno. It starts with 9-year-old Roxy Hunter moving from a city in New Jersey to a small town called Serenity Falls, along with her widowed mother, Susan (who we kinda like), and Roxy's best friend, Max. Max's parents are archaeologists who travel around the world, which is why Susan is looking after him. He's pretty bright himself, being a 12-year-old who's in eleventh grade. Which I guess he attends via the internet. Roxy herself can't start school yet, since it's too late in the term. Which means she's got alot of free time. We immediately learn that she has a taste for the old fashioned and the cultural, and she's very clever and imaginative, though she often mispronounces some of the big words she uses.

Well, Susan takes a job at the local bank, where she befriends the assistant manager, Jon Steadman (a potential love interest). Roxy, meanwhile, hears from a local kid that the place they've moved into is haunted. So of course, being something of a detective (I get the impression this isn't her first case), she decides to investigate the mystery of the ghost, who she figures must be Estelle Moody, who had died there, like 9 years ago I think. Roxy tries to get Max to help her investigate, and he can be helpful at times, but just as often he's more interested in studying for exams. Also I should mention the real estate agent who sold them the house, Rebecca (who we kinda like) spends alot of time at the house to make repairs.

Eventually Roxy and Max discover another resident of the house, a poor medical student named Ramma, who's been living in the attic since getting kicked out of his dorm due to lack of funds. He'll also get roped into helping Roxy in her investigations. Um... well, I suppose I should mention a couple other characters, as well. There's Mr. Middleton, the bank manager who also has a few other jobs in town. And there's Mr. Tibers, a slightly odd librarian who is of some help to Roxy, as well. Oh, and there's a hawk that Roxy comes to think is the ghost of Estelle, but later thinks it must be Ted Caruthers, who was supposed to have married Estelle in 1944, but died. In fact the movie's opening scene shows us that Estelle's father objected to their relationship, and the scene also leads us to believe he shot Ted. Though later we see that his gravestone says he died at sea, in the war. So, is that true, or was his murder covered up?

Well, I won't tell you. In fact there's really nothing else I can say about the plot without spoiling the end of the mystery, which doesn't really have anything to do with ghosts. Oh, we'll see a ghost or two by the end of the movie, which in spite of being a sort of happily romantic scene I actually found rather sad, on account of a certain implication that isn't actually shown, though I do think a look over the shoulder hinted at it unmistakably. I'm rambling... In any event, Roxy eventually solves the mystery and everything turns out well. The movie was actually alot better than I expected, I'd give it 2½ to 3 smileys (whenever I get around to moving this entry). It could be pretty funny at times, I found the characters likable, the story wasn't bad; I found both the writing and the acting to be good at times and less good at others, but never really bad. And of course Roxy herself is just adorable. I know there's going to be at least one sequel, which I look forward to seeing....

The Secret Garden, British
IMDb; Movie Tome; Rotten Tomatoes

There have of course been several adaptations of this; I believe this one is the version I've seen, but I barely remember it. I think it was more of a miniseries than a TV movie, but I'm not quite sure. I might even have the wrong production listed here. In any event, there's this girl who goes to stay with some people and she meets this bedridden boy, and I think his father has a hunchback or whatever. And the boy is supposedly sick and lame and whatever, but the girl eventually gets him to get out of bed. And there's this older boy named Dickon who seemed kinda cool or whatever. And um, there was this old garden, quite run down from neglect, but once upon a time it was quite beautiful, with all the trees and flowers and whatnot. But I guess this kid's father had ordered it closed off when his wife died cuz it was her garden or whatever. Then these kids all find the place and fix it up and stuff. That's about all I can tell you. Not bad, really. I guess.

Sherlock Holmes Returns
IMDb; Movie Tome

Sherlock was in like cryonic suspension or something. Then he woke up in the 1990's. It was kinda funny and stuff. I don't remember it well, but I have it on tape, so maybe I'll watch it sometime. Debrah Farentino was in it. We like her.