Black Beret Cafe

Important caveat! The Black Beret Café does not really exist. It is a fictional establishment belonging to one of my fictional characters, nobodyman. While most of the items on this menu are currently available in the real world, many have been discontinued. They are included here as pure fantasy, because I miss them and wish I could still get them, myself. Please do not e-mail me asking where you can get such items. (Items I do not currently have access to will be highlighted; these will include discontinued items as well as those simply not available in my area, and maybe a few that never existed in the real world.)

However, if you click the title at the top of this page, you will be taken to the Cafe's discussion board, and I hope you'll feel free to stop in anytime, and talk about anything. The place may not be real, but we still appreciate all the patronage we can get. Thank you kindly.

(Free Water and Breadbasket upon seating;
Indefinite refills on both whether you order or not)

Would you care to start with a beverage?


Caramel Apple Cider ...$1.50

Cider ...$1.00

Coffee, Espresso, Cappuccino, Latte, any of those sorts of things, any brand, flavor, or type ...$1.00 single; +25p per increment

Coffee &: root beer; Dr. Pepper; Moxie; Coke ...$1.25

Postum ...$1.00

Spiced Milk ...$1.00

Tazo all varieties ...$1.00

Tea: Green, Black, Red, Chai, Orange Spice, Earl Grey, Mint, Raspberry, Yunnan Bo Nay; others by request ...$1.00


Iced Coffees or Teas ...90p 12oz.; $1.20 16oz.; $1.50 20oz.

Milk: whole, 2%, skim; plain, strawberry, chocolate, coffee ...50p small glass; 75p large glass

Milk &: root beer; Dr. Pepper; Moxie; Pepsi ...55p small glass; &Pepsi free while watching Laverne & Shirley on the cafe's Telly

Ruby Red Grapefruit Juice ...50p small glass; 75p large glass

AriZona all varieties ...95p bottle

Cappio: Coffee, Mocha, Vanilla, Cinnamon flavors ...60p small bottle; $1.25 large bottle

Coca~Cola: regular, diet, cherry, vanilla, orange ...50p small glass; 75p large glass; 65p bottle

Cranberry Ginger Ale on Thanksgiving

Crystal Pepsi: regular or diet ...50p small glass; 75p large glass

Dr. Pepper: regular or diet ...50p small glass; 75p large glass

Energy Drinks: Red Bull; SoBe adrenaline rush; Amp ...$1.00 can

Fruitopia all varieties ...50p bottle

Fuze all varieties ...90p bottle

Go-Go all varieties ...75p can

Jeff's Egg Cream Sodas all varieties ...65p bottle

Jones all varieties ...65p bottle

Koala all varieties ...75p bottle

Martinelli's Sparkling Apple Cider ...75p glass

Mellow Yellow ...50p small glass; 75p large glass; free while watching AbFab on the Cafe's Telly

Mountain Dew: regular or diet ...50p small glass; 75p large glass

Moxie: Original, Diet, Cream Soda, or Cherry Cola ...50p small glass; 75p large glass

Orbitz all varieties ...$1.00 bottle

Polar: Birch Beer, Raspberry & Lime Soda, or Sarsaparilla ...60p Liter

Razcal soda ...50p small glass; 75p large glass

Reed's Ginger Brew all varieties ...$1.00 bottle

Royal Crown: regular, diet, or cherry ...50p small glass; 75p large glass

S&O'K all varieties ...65p bottle; free raspberry soda while watching Dharma & Greg on the Cafe's Telly

Senorial Sangria ...65p bottle

Skeleteens all varieties ...90p bottle

Snapple Elements all varieties ...80p bottle

SoBe all varieties ...90p bottle

Sprite: regular or diet ...50p small glass; 75p large glass

Stewart's all varieties ...65p bottle

Suicide (a mix of various fountain sodas: Coke, Sprite, Orange, Dr. Pepper, root beer, etc?-- with an apology for the name of the drink; I didn't invent it) ...50p small glass, 75p large glass

Tab ...50p small glass; 75 large glass

Thorncroft Cordials all varieties ...80p bottle

Voodoo Rain all varieties ...80p bottle

(First refill free on all non-alcoholic drinks; subsequent refills half price)

Alcohol (glasses available upon request; we have no drafts)

Buffalo Bill's Pumpkin Ale ...$1.50 bottle; free on All Hallow's Eve & Thanksgiving

Buzz Beer ...$1.50 bottle; free while watching The Drew Carey Show on the Cafe's Telly

Great Lakes all varieties ...$1.00 bottle

Guinness Stout ...$1.35 bottle

Lindemans beers all varieties ...$2.00 bottle

Pete's beers all varieties ...99p bottle

Rogue Ales all varieties ...$1.75 bottle

Samuel Adams all varieties ...$1.25 bottle

Tequiza ...$1.25 bottle

Wyder's Ciders all varieties ...$1.25 small bottle; $2.00 large bottle

Appetizers/Side Orders/Snacks

Cheesy Poofs ...50p small bag; $1.25 large bag; free while watching South Park on the Cafe's Telly

Chowder: Corn or Clam ...$2.00 bowl

El Monterey Taquitos: Beef & Cheese or Chicken & Cheese ...50p ea.

Fries (French, Crinkle, Home, Curly, Cheesy, Hot, Pub, or Poutine) ...$1.25

Jumbo Shrimp Cocktail (w/sauce) ...$2.00

Kettle Korn ...$2 small bag, $4 medium bag, $6 large bag

Salad: Garden ...$1.75 bowl; Chicken ...$2.50 bowl

Soup: Tomato; Tomato & Rice w/garlic, basil & oregano; Pea; Chicken Noodle; Onion; Potato & Leek ...$1.50 bowl

Tostitos chips & salsa ...$1.00


BLAT (Bacon, Lettuce, Avacado & Tomato sandwich) ...$3.50

BLT (Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato sandwich) ...$3.00

Chili ...$2.50 bowl

MLT (Mutton, Lettuce & Tomato sandwich) ...$3.50


Carrot Cake ...$1.25 slice

Cellular Peptide Cake w/mint frosting ...$1.00 slice; free while watching Star Trek: The Next Gneration on the Cafe's Telly

Cheese Cake: plain, strawberry, cherry, chocolate, raspberry, blueberry, pumpkin, or rhubarb ...$1.25 slice

Cream Cheese Brownies ...50p ea.

German Chocolate Cake w/coconut-pecan frosting ...$1.50 slice

Ice Cream: Vanilla, Chocolate, Strawberry, Neopolitan, Heavenly Hash, Coffee, Raspberry Swirl, Fudge Ripple, Blueberry Cheesecake, Green Tea ...$1.25 bowl

Pecan Pie ...$1.25 slice

Sherbet: Orange, Lemon, Lime, Raspberry ...$1.25 bowl

Strawberry Shortcake ...$1.00

Tira Misu ...$1.75 slice

White-bagged Items

Bassett's Jellybabies ...3p ea.

Caramel-Pecan Turtles ...10p ea.

Fortune Bubble Gum ...3p ea.

The Original Swedish fish ...1p ea. small strawberry; 2p ea. large strawberry, orange, lemon, or lime

Sour Patch Kids ...1p ea.

Squirrel Nut Zippers ...2p ea.

Sugar Babies ...1p ea.

We apologize for the inconvenience, we can't offer much at the moment. Look for our full menu soon.
Various product links may be found here

Large Assortment of Dressings, Toppings, and Condiments available upon request,
including French's Sweet Onion mustard and Grand Lyon Bordeaux ketchup

Please ask about our BlackAdderII font

Mr. Green: "You may call me Cash. Please let me know when you're ready to order...."