Let's begin...

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Buena Vista Home Video; IMDb; Movie Tome; Rotten Tomatoes; Wikipedia

There've been various incarnations of this. A radio comedy, a book, a TV miniseries, comics, etc. My favorite remains the book, though I also quite like the radio play and the series. Anyway, in any incarnation there will be differences, so it's never exactly the same story. The fundamentals, of course, are always the same. Ford Prefect rescues his friend Arthur Dent from Earth just before it is destroyed by a Vogon Constructor Fleet to make way for a hyperspace bypass. Then they get picked up by Zaphod Beeblebrox and Trisha McMillan, aka Trillian (who we like). Eventually they get to the legendary planet of Magrathea, and they learn Earth was just an incredibly complex computer which was designed to calculate the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. After another computer, Deep Thought, had come up with 42 as the ultimate answer... and then divulged that it makes no sense unless you know the actual question. But, of course, there was the small matter of the Earth having been destroyed shortly before it would have completed its 10 million year program. Aside from these basic facts, any number of details of the story can be added, subtracted, or altered.

Well, I liked some of the changes in this movie. And I disliked some of them. Others perhaps I was indifferent about. And then there are the things that weren't changed... the same can perhaps be said: liked some, didn't like some as much as I did in other versions even if it's the same, and indifferent towards some. I'm not sure really what else to say. I think if nothing else, you should absolutely read the book, and its sequels, because they're all bloody brilliant, they're my favorite books ever written. They're much funnier than this movie. Although I do think the movie was reasonably funny, itself. I don't really want to say anything too specific about what's the same and what's different, because part of the fun (or frustration) for longtime fans will be in the comparisons to other versions of the story. So it would suck for me to spoil anything. I will say that I felt the movie was too American, not British enough, but other fans might feel differently, and indeed, Douglas Adams himself might have felt differently for all I know. I will say there are a few bits that sort of make sense of things that always bothered me about other versions, which is nice. And there are other bits that make less sense to me. Whatever, it's not like the story is meant to make sense, it's all very bizarre and surreal, anyway. That's rather the point. And I'm afraid that's about all I can think to say, but I'll rewatch it someday, and maybe I'll see if there's anything I can add/subtract/change about this review. For now, I can just say it's an okay movie, not the best by any means, but not the worst, either. Oh, and I certainly wouldn't mind if they made some sequels, although some of the alterations made to the story here make it difficult for me to see how that could possibly work... but other, not-quite-so-changed things (never actually coming up with the ultimate question; deciding to go to the Restaurant at the End of the Universe) make it seem the possibility is open...

Mars Attacks!
IMDb; Movie Tome; Rotten Tomatoes; Warner Bros.; Wikipedia

Based on an old series of Topps trading cards. Martians invade. The military wants to fight them, the President keeps wanting to make peace. There are a bunch of different characters in different places all with their own things going on, and different reactions to the Martians. There's a bunch of good stars. Jack Nicholson has two roles, the President and some Las Vegas tycoon or something. My favorite characters are the President's daughter, Taffy (played by Natalie Portman, who we always like); and this kid named Richie, whose family doesn't appreciate him. Except for his grandmother, though she isn't all there... but Richie and grandma will play a big part in defeating the Martians. Anyway, there's all sorts of weird stuff going on. I don't know what all to say about it, but it's funny and stuff.

Shaolin Soccer
Buena Vista Home Entertainment; IMDb; Movie Tome; Rotten Tomatoes; Wikipedia

So 20 years ago there was this soccer star named Fung. He lost a game, and a mob broke his leg. For the next 20 years he worked for this manager, Hung, who had convinced him to throw the game, and also, it turns out, paid the mob to break Fung's leg, thus ending his career. Hung manages Team Evil, and Fung wants a chance to manage a team himself, but Hung refuses.

Then Fung meets a young man named Sing, who believes everyone can use Shaolin kung fu in everyday, ordinary ways. He's always trying to think of a way to make kung fu popular with the general public. Eventually, Fung realizes kung fu skills could be useful in soccer, so the two of them recruit Sing's former Shaolin brothers, who had studied kung fu together years ago. With a little training, they're soon ready for their first, unofficial match, against some enemies... who lose, and then join the Shaolin team.

Also there's a girl named Mui (who we like, though not so much till after her facial). She's also a kung fu master, who uses her skills in making sweet buns for a street vendor. She and Fung become friends, and, predictably, she joins the soccer team in the championship match. In that match, of course, the Shaolin team has to play against Team Evil.

And that, pretty much, is the plot. But it's all really terribly funny... there's all these special effects that look like they're out of the Matrix or Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon... but it's all done so comically. There are lots of great gags, not all of them involving kung fu.... I don't want to spoil any of them for you, though. It's all pretty absurd, hilarious, and exciting. And... that's about all I can think to say.